What anxiety has done to my blog

I’ve been wanting to write here lately. I haven’t written since Halloween and even then I didn’t feel very fulfilled. The post was about celebrating Halloween with my husband, not about mental illness. I’ve been missing the writer in me that used to let the words flow. I feel like I’ve been stifled lately. It’s not for lack of things happening. Plenty of things have happened. I know it’s from lack of trying. I haven’t really sat myself down and tried to write something in a while.

Honestly, my anxiety won’t allow it.

My anxiety keeps me from writing and expressing myself fully.

Every time I think to write something I find myself feeling inadequate. I feel like the part of me that was really good at this is gone. Or lost. Like there’s someone out there that’s better equipped to talk about these important topics.

I forget that my original goal for this blog was to help myself.

I used to use it to vent and allow myself to really feel. It was a place for me to deal with  my emotions in a healthy way. I never even cared if anyone followed me. Now that it’s happened it’s truly an honor, and I want so badly to be a good, strong voice for the community, but I feel like I’m falling short. It’s become so important to me that it’s starting to mess with my head.

“All of these people are depending on you to crank out some really great posts. Don’t let them down.”

“You’re going to let them down anyway because even if you write one good post, only a few people will see it. You’re not reaching a big enough audience.

“Clearly there are people who know more about this than you do. They should be the ones helping people.”

Hey, that may be true, anxiety, but that shouldn’t stop me from trying to help people.

If this is something I’m passionate about I should allow myself to enjoy it. I need to go back to the basics. Remember what this blog was all about when first started it.

Helping myself has helped others. That’s the point.

I need to help myself. Only good can come of it.

So that’s my promise to you, WordPress. I promise to use this blog to help myself, and hopefully help others in the process.

Remember, if you ever need someone to talk to, I’m here.

Feel free to email me: himym425@gmail.com

Thank you, friends.

Jess

 

 

 

 

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