To: Andy [Revised Version]

So… a while back I published a pretty little post called To: Andy on this blog. It was posted in March 2015, about two months after Andy and I started dating.

Yes, we loved each other that fast. It just happened.

— and we still do.

That post-however- hadn’t been updated since then. I read it today and it just didn’t feel like us anymore. We’re different people now and our relationship is different.

I used to think that was a bad thing. I always used to say that people should always stay in the honeymoon phase if they love each other. After careful consideration, I’ve realized that the honeymoon phase is just people feeling something genuine that is based on nothing.

I really felt like I loved who I knew him to be, but I didn’t know Andy well enough to say anything that really meant something. There wasn’t anything real to write yet.

So I meandered around, using a lot of cheesy lines and broad thoughts about love to try to describe the feelings that I had. I couldn’t find the words. I suppose the words I wrote were the right words at the time.

The honeymoon phase is just a facade. When it’s lifted and you still feel good about that person, that’s when the realness begins.

Now we’ve been together almost a year and a half. It may not be a huge accomplishment but I only mention it because after this amount of time, I feel that I know Andy enough to revise my previous post.

Maybe in 3 years I’ll revise it again. Maybe in 3 years there won’t be anything to write about us but memories.

All I know is that today I still love him and I am so glad I now have some real words to write.

Below is the revised version in black along with my old post in grey. Some words have changed, and some haven’t.

Here goes–

“Sometimes I haven’t the slightest idea what to do about it . You say something sweet or laugh the way you do, and I am overcome with joy. Just pure joy.”

“Sometimes when we’re watching tv, or you say something funny, or you’re woodworking, I can’t help but look over at you and feel joy in my heart. Our life together is one I will always carry with me.”


“The cuts and bruises from my life before you…they just don’t hurt anymore. They’ve become scars.

I’ll never forget the pain of the past but being with you has changed the way I look at it. I won’t carry it with me anymore.”

“The things I used to carry on my back feel so much lighter now. They’ve become something we carry together. We’ve even dropped some of the useless baggage along the road and haven’t looked back since.

I’ll never forget the pain of the past but being with you has changed the way I look at it. You’re always there to remind me that I’m not that scared little girl anymore.”


“We have been in sync since day one.

I feel what you feel.
You hope what I hope.
I love what you love.”

“We have not been in sync since day one.

I’m actually glad about it. You are interesting to me. You think things I’ve never thought before. You teach me things I never learned.

We do, however, say things the other was going to say. Mostly references to things we’ve been through or have experienced together. It’s like a cool party trick. No matter how many times it happens it always amazes me.


“There has never been, nor will there ever be, another us.

That’s what is so great and terrifying about it.

Decades from now when we’re both gone no one will know who we were or what we meant to each other, but it doesn’t even matter.”

“Our love won’t be in the history books… But there has never been, nor will there every be another us.

It makes me feel at peace. We’re lucky.

Decades from now when we’re both gone no one will know who we were or what we meant to each other, but it doesn’t even matter.”


“Because right now, today, right here, as I sit on my bed and type, I love you.

I love every single moment that you exist.

Even in my deepest sleep I love you.

In my worst and best moments I love you.”

“Because right now, While I sit on our couch and you’re asking me to bring you a towel through the bathroom door, I love you.

I love every single moment that you exist.

Even in my deepest sleep I love you.

In my worst and best moments I love you.”


“Even in the times I’m upset with you, I love you.

When I was seven years old and I wondered if you existed I loved you.

When I was fifteen years old and I wished for you I loved you.

Just half a year ago when I wondered how many years I had left before I’d meet you I loved you.

The day I saw your face for the first time I loved you.

I just didn’t know it was you yet.”

In addition to above —

“When I was seventeen, incredibly lost, wishing for direction, stability, hope, and that I’d find someone who would give me what you do, I loved you.”


“…In fact, there is nothing I could ever say that would describe this.”

I love you because when I fall flat on my face you are always there to pick me up, dust me off, and show me that things aren’t as bad as my brain is telling me they are.

I also love you because when I actually fall flat on my face you laugh at me.


“Then again, words have never been necessary with us.

You show me through your eyes. Your kiss. The way you hold onto me a little longer every time.

You show me through your actions.”

“There technically isn’t a need for words since we both know how we feel, but it’s always nice to be reminded of it.

You show me how you feel about me every day that you get up for work. Every day that you pick me up when I could easily take the bus. Every day that you sit with me and watch something you really don’t care about. Every day that you tell me I’m capable of more than I think.”


“I hope we always feel this way about each other.

It’s so different from any other feeling I’ve ever felt.

So foreign at first, but now it is the thing I treasure most.

Could love be this great?

“I don’t know if we’ll always feel this way about each other. I just know how I feel right now. I know we are right for each other right now. 

I know that I’ve suffered without you and have made it, but suffering with you and making it feels 10 times better.”


We share this electrifying closeness that feels like a Utopia. But it isn’t. It is the realest thing we’ve ever known.

We aren’t perfect. We aren’t even almost perfect. But because we work at our relationship every day we make sense together. We fit together. Based on what I’ve witnessed in my life having that even for a little while is truly special.”


“There is something so incredibly perfect about resting my head on your shoulder.

Feeling the warmth of your hug.

Feeling the kisses you leave on my forehead.

Feeling this way about you.

I love us.”

“There is something so incredibly perfect about resting my head on your shoulder.

Feeling the warmth of your hug.

Feeling the kisses you leave on my forehead.

Feeling this way about you.

I love us.”

-Jess

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