Day 12 on Lamotrigine.
Well look at that… I don’t have that little guy on my shoulder suggesting I jump off a building anymore.
Least my sarcasm is still intact.
Last time I got better I was this bright eyed bubblegum bitch who thought her problems were over.
This time I know better than to let my guard down.
Still, it is nice to have a little bit of energy again. To feel like myself again. To wake up and not immediately hate my life. To take in the good around me.
I even have the energy to go to work.
Slowly but surely things are changing.
Things are shifting.
I know I should enjoy it but I’m not really in that place yet.
I know I’m getting better and I see everything that’s going on but I can’t react to it just yet.
It was the same with Wellbutrin. For the first 7 days I was emotional, hazy, suicidal, and every other feeling you could ever have wrapped in a white bow.
Then the next couple of days I had a neutral streak where I didn’t really realize it but I wasn’t the same.
Now I’m making future plans again, determined to get my mind and body in a better place, crossing off to do lists, etc etc.
I hope that it only gets better.
But as they say –
What goes up….
But I don’t want to end this post that way.
I want to be hopeful. Like that girl who hadn’t felt normal her whole life, and then one day after Wellbutrin she saw something that would normally set her off and she felt sad. Just sad. Not depressed, not suicidal, not a meltdown worthy moment. Just sad.
She was sad…. And it made her really happy.