What are you gonna do with your life?

It’s a tough question…

It’s tough because I thought I knew at least a million times.

I took one of those career matching quizzes in high school and it said I should be a stunt double.

Turns out I’m five feet tall and look like no one.

So… that didn’t pan out.

I’ve had plenty of ideas. Actress, singer, dancer, school counselor, nurse, wedding planner, teacher, writer, therapist, graphic designer, etc.

I entered college with a major in film – post production, but the longer I stuck around the more I realized that I didn’t need a major to be an editor. Everything I learned about real world editing I had learned from jobs. I wasn’t getting anything out of the courses I was taking, and editing was only slightly satisfying to me. I felt like I wasted my chance at majoring in something I could learn how to do and could actually use in my life.

Getting sick last year gave me something not many people get regarding huge life decisions.

I got a second chance.

I began the path towards mental stability which included withdrawing from school the 2nd semester of my junior year. I moved to Austin for a fresh start, and started paying off the remaining debt from my last semester.

Now I find myself opened up to a world of academic opportunities. I can be anything I want to be. Luckily I listened to those articles I read before starting school that suggested I take gen eds first. I got almost all of them done at Columbia. Now I can transfer to the University of Texas and complete my bachelor’s in-

….

….

Shit. I have no clue what I want to do with my life.

Nothing screams at me. Nothing makes me feel alive. At least not academically.

See, when I write, I feel at peace with myself. I feel like the deepest part of me is exposed for the world to see. It’s a beautiful thing.

When I sing, I feel like I’m on ecstasy. The world is amazing, everyone is glowing, my life is perfect, and I am exactly who I am meant to be.

In an ideal world I’d be a million things. Writer/Blogger/Singer extraordinaire who edits when she wants and works random jobs that seem fun and tries a different new job when one isn’t making her happy. But this is not an ideal world.

I have bills to pay.

I have a new family to consider.

I have my mom’s pride on the line.

I have to get my bachelor’s degree and it can’t be something general or overly artsy.

I strongly considered teaching at the kindergarten level. Seeing Lucas play and learn and grow every day and knowing that I am a part of that makes me feel really good.

But I honestly feel that teachers have to be more passionate than that. I can’t just jump into it because it seems fun. That’s not right.

I considered nursing but I remember my mom saying that anyone can be a nurse. Anyone can do it in two years and start working.

while I’m not sure I agree, getting a degree in nursing would ultimately not make her proud and that’s kind of the point. Some people may say that I shouldn’t live my life for my mom, but making her happy makes me happy. makes me feel accomplished. I want this.

At first I just wanted to settle for anything that would make her happy. As long as I got a degree it didn’t really matter. But four years later I’m a little bit older and a little bit wiser and I’ve realized that there is a chance I can make her proud and actually get something out of my degree. Money, happiness, or satisfaction.

Not sure I can have all of them, but hey, it’s worth a try.

Now to find something to major in…

oy.

-Jess

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