This is an excerpt from a larger story that I have yet to write. I’m hoping that it’ll fit in the dark humor category. I’ll be releasing a few excerpts here and there, not in chronological order, but they are all part of my depression story.
I don’t think I’ll ever understand fighting for something you don’t even want.
Everyone else wants it for you, so you keep trying to want it, too. I still don’t want it.
I gave Joseph an example once.
“You hate cheese whiz, right?”
“With a passion, yes.”
“Well imagine if you told your loved ones that you hate it, and they all got overly emotional and concerned with your anti cheese-whiz choice. So they send you to a hospital that feels like a prison, and stick you in group therapy where people talk about how good cheese whiz is, and they make you take little capsules of cheese whiz every day.”
He flinched. I was finally starting to reveal myself to him in a way he understood.
“Truth is you really want to like cheese whiz to make everyone happy, but you just fucking hate it.”
I know part of him slightly got where I was coming from, but he refused to give me any credit for my wonderful cheese whiz metaphor in fear that I might think it’s a green light to “give up on cheese whiz”.
“It’s not even remotely the same thing. Me not liking cheese whiz doesn’t effect anyone else.”
We sat in a tense silence. He stared off into nowhere.
“Well… it effects the Kraft Cheese Corporation.”
He was not amused.