I’ve noticed lately that I’m having trouble with some of my more difficult depression symptoms. I’m not really sure what’s going on, but I know that regardless of my situation, depression can and will always effect me. I’ve just been noticing that the symptoms that my Wellbutrin usually combats have been creeping back in now and then.
Take last night for example. I had this familiar feeling. One that used to be crippling, but now with coping skills just plain hurts.
I felt lonely. I know that doesn’t sound very bizarre, but it’s not the “Oh, I wish someone was around” lonely. It was the anxiety ridden preconcieved notion that no one has ever, and will ever want to be around me. They don’t love me. They don’t want me. I just take up space, and I feel so alone.
I know. That’s terrible, right?
Anyway, most of that went away with Wellbutrin. It keeps you from taking one thought and running a million miles a minute with it.
Just goes to show that no matter how great life is, depression has no preference. It doesn’t see class, or color, or height, or weight. I guess there is a sense of comfort in that. But I digress.
I know my life is great. I know that my family loves me, and that my cat loves me, and that Andy loves me. I know that I have a good job, a good head on my shoulders, a good apartment, and a bright future.
I know that I have very good qualities.
But when depression brain hits, I don’t know anything anymore.
I have got to figure this out. I can’t live like this.
I can’t die like this.