After my last relationship ended I was pretty lost when it came to casual situations. I had never been in one before. I had literally never had sex with someone I didn’t have feelings for. I didn’t really know how it would make me feel or if it was something I’d enjoy.
I remember going to lunch with my best friend Roxy the day after my first one night stand.
“Am I supposed to call him? Or maybe add him on facebook? Should I ask him to have dinner or something?”
Roxy gave me a horrified look.
“No. That’s not how it works. You like sex, he likes sex, you both wanted to have sex so it happened. Now you can go on with your life feeling satisfied. You never have to talk to him again. Unless he was really good at it. Then you can add him to your list.”
“Yeah. When you want it again.”
I did talk to him one more time after that, but nothing ever came of it. I found that it was actually kind of cool. You have no ties to anyone, yet you get physical satisfaction. You never feel smothered, but if you’re feeling lonely you can call someone up to cuddle with.
It was like the perfect set up.
As time went by I started to settle into the routine of going out every weekend and having one night stands with gorgeous guys, and waking up the next day feeling pretty great.
I always thought I’d feel dirty or guilty afterwards, but to be honest I felt absolutely empowered. It was just another way I had control over my life. I was becoming this independent woman that didn’t need a relationship. Someone that was very okay being alone sometimes. Someone who’s mere curiosity would lead me to satisfying it.
It was exhilarating.
Of course with that lifestyle it is always good to get tested and be safe, which I was.
It’s been a little under a year now since I started living the single life. I hadn’t really gone out to bars on a weekend here up until yesterday. I was super excited to see what Austin had to offer. The nightlife in Chicago is quite exciting.
I usually always went out by myself. It’s more fun that way. No one to take care of, no one to hold you back from going where you want, and you get to meet the coolest people because you’re forced out of your usual friends and comfort zone.
So last night I went to Austin’s famous “Dirty Sixth” to do my thing. It’s this huge street of bars and usually the whole place is shut down so that cars can’t drive through it.
I met an array of really cool people including this guy named Antonio. He was pretty handsome, and very nice. He got me a drink and we talked about Austin because he just moved here too. He’s from California. It was a really great start to my night, but I didn’t really want to stick to hanging with the same person all night, so I said thank you and headed to another bar.
I met a girl from Chicago and her co worker in the bathroom and we became fast friends! They took me to a bunch of bars including a latin one, and we danced the night away! During one of my favorite latin songs a guy asked me to dance. I agreed. He was a really great dancer and was pretty darn gorgeous, and usually this would be the time I’d decide to lock him down and go home with him later, but for some reason it didn’t happen.
For the first time in a year I didn’t want to do that.
I think that it’s because I’m ready to try having a relationship again. Maybe with this new guy that I have feelings for, maybe with someone else someday if that doesn’t work out, but one night stands just aren’t doing it for me anymore.
haha, “doing it.”
Anyway the point is not one is better than the other, but it depends on where you are in your life which one feels right.
I guess that’s it. It’s time for me to turn the page on my love life.
I’m ready to get back in the carpool lane. I’m hoping the guy I’d like to take that step with is ready, too.
One more thing. I’ve had sex with strangers that meant nothing to me and that I felt nothing for, and it was pretty great. But let me tell you, sharing that moment with someone that you care about…
There’s nothing quite like it.