I’ve realized that when I focus on things that I love, things that I used to love don’t really matter anymore.
I love singing and performing.
I love being a server.
I love drinking wine with my roommate.
I love meeting cute strangers in bars. I love bar-tending.
I love my cat.
I love being silly.
I love editing.
I love DJ-ing and making mashups.
Listen to I Feel So Shady Mashup by DJ Shocknee
I love creating elaborate song covers with 3+ part harmonies and multiple instruments.
I love latin dancing.
I love my friends.
I love my brothers.
I love me.
These are the things I live for every day.
These things also remind me that I’m kind of a badass. I know how to do a lot of things, and I know how to do them well. Plus how lucky am I to love to do them?
Yes, there are moments where I feel really sad. The Wellbutrin keeps me from being overwhelmed, but riding the sadness like a functional person still isn’t fun.
I just have to shift my focus. Stop focusing on the minuscule bad things and start focusing on the inconceivable amount of good things.
Today is perfect for that. Why? Because I’m ready to let go of the past.
I may not have let go 100%, but I’m so close. And now I have hope. Hope that things will pass. My sadness is temporary. My contentment is the goal.
Anyone that doesn’t want to come along for the ride is irrelevant.
These are all things I know I believe in. Deep down I’m finding myself. Deep down I love myself. Sometimes a tiny bit of depressed Jess gets through, but healthy Jess is so much more dominant now.
You know who else joined the party? Mindful Jess. My irrational thoughts are attacked by my rational thoughts almost every time.
I see things in a clear and concise way. The Wellbutrin has cleared the fog that was depressive thoughts and symptoms.
Once again, thank you Wellbutrin.