The past few weeks I’ve been commuting to a job that didn’t pay very well. The restaurant was an hour and a half away . I was appreciative of it and got along well with my co-workers, but I was making $5 an hour plus $20 in tips at best. Working 50 hours a week just isn’t my cup of tea. I also used to get out at 2am, so getting home was a pain.
However I do enjoy working hard for my money. If I come home exhausted I know that I earned the money I got.
Anyway I had an interview last week and got offered the job! I start today. It’s walking distance from my place and seems to be busy most of the time.
Seems things are falling into place.
Also Wellbutrin day 18. Still working wonders! No side effects and I haven’t had a really low day in over a week, haven’t had suicidal thoughts since June 28th (day 1 of Wellbutrin is how I remembered.) which is actually a big deal. I find myself needing to call Theresa less and less in between our sessions.
But let me be clear: I did this on my own. This closure I’ve gotten and this person that I am today is not because of a boy or a relationship. It’s me. We all know that Nate and I have a casual thing going, but I’ve only seen him once since our first date. Make no mistake, I did (and am doing this) single. I want to give kudos to any other women out there who aren’t afraid to stand on their own two feet. Who stand alone in moments like these by choice. Being in a relationship doesn’t make you weak. Being in a relationship to hide from your problems and pain does. No one else can “fix” you. Only you can get yourself there.
“Ladies it ain’t easy being independent.” But it can be done, and it is incredibly rewarding.
That’s not to say that I didn’t have tons of support. I’d like to take a moment (I will be posting a more full length thank you soon) to thank everyone that has helped me along the way. My roommate/best friend, Roxy. My best friend from home, Ray. All the other friends that talked me off the ledge so many times. Healthy Jessica. My amazing Therapist, Theresa. My Psychiatrist, Mel, and to be completely honest, Joseph. He was there for the moments that I have yet to write about, but if it weren’t for him, I may not be alive today. However, that doesn’t mean I need him now.
I remember listening to “Independent Women” among other empowering songs when I first found out about Joseph and his new relationship. I listened to it every day because I told myself that one day I’d believe it. I’d be independent. I’d get another job and pay for everything on my own. I’d feel like I didn’t need a relationship. I’d feel like I didn’t need him.
And you know what? …. I believe it.